Zeb Hurst: It's Time to Be Real

Yesterday I had the deep pleasure of sharing space with Zeb, a new friend I met at Linke Fligl, a queer Jewish chicken farm and cultural organizing project. Zebulon B. Hurst (he/them) is a graduate student studying religion in Berkeley, California. His work weaves together queer intimacies, pleasurepain, somatics, and poetics. Together we discussed re-tracing ancestral maps, the pure genius of Stevie Wonder, crushes, mental health, precarity, and why this political moment calls for love letters to the moon. 

Zeb: My family used to have a soul food restaurant on the South Side of Chicago called Jackie’s and apparently it was one of the places where in the past queer people could go and not get treated like shit. My auntie Gail told me the story of three guys named Larry would always come after their church service. One of them was a bus driver, one of them was a teacher, and I don’t remember what the last one did. But they would come to Jackie’s after church and just vibe. 

Irina: What do you think it was about Jackie’s that made it a safe haven for queer folks at that time? 

Zeb: My aunties are just really chill. Orris and Gail are the two oldest and they are both Scorpios and their birthdays are two years and one days apart. My auntie Gail, I really think of her being at Jackie’s. She’s super fucking funny and she’s a shit talker too. She’s a character. I just think of her being really chatty and baking all of these things and giving people shit.

Irina: What kid of music do you think they had on? 

Zeb: Motown, my family really loved the Bee Gees. They all loved disco. I know they had a lot of Stevie Wonder vinyls. Stevie Wonder is my favorite musician for sure.  

Irina: Why is that? 

Zeb: Because he’s literally the best pop musician of all time. Stevie Wonder IS pop. He’s such a talented musician and … I don’t know … it’s a really special kind of voice that makes you sing along so much that makes you feel the song even though it has nothing to do with your life or anything you’ve actually been through. 

Irina: Do you have a favorite Stevie Wonder song? 

Zeb: I have a few … can I play one? 

Stevie: Ooooooooooh, wild! Everytime (See you I go wild)

Oh yeah (Go wild, see you I go wild)

I said, everytime I (See you I go wild)

See you I go wild (Go wild, see you I go wild), oooh

Everytime I see your face, I feel an earthquake coming on

Ooh, you shake me up and you'll break me down

Until all my self-control is gone

You're all the things I've ever wanted, babe,

Underneath the rising sun …

Zeb: I fucking love that song. 

Irina: Why do you love it? 

Zeb: I think it’s just the perfect song. It’s like, I really, really, really like this person who’s unavailable to me for whatever reasons and they’re so cute and everyone now knows I like them even me. I used to be a radio deejay and music was my catalyst for feeling things that I don’t really allow myself to acknowledge. I’m a big romantic. I have Venus in Sagittarius. I don’t really know what that means but I find it embarrassing. 

Irina: Why is it embarrassing? 

Zeb: Because I have had so many crushes, it’s a hard way to live. 

Irina: It’s a beautiful way to go through the world, to be able to appreciate people and feel your feelings. 

Zeb: Did you see the moon last night? 

Irina: I did, it was so nice. Isn’t there an eclipse today? 

Zeb: Yes! I love the moon. Me and the moon are really tight. I’ve been trying to write poems about “the political moment” or what I’m feeling but all my poems have been love poems to the moon. 

Irina: Why do you think you’re going in that direction? 

Zeb: When I was young and I couldn’t fall asleep my mom would drive around until I fell asleep so I have a lot of memories of thinking that the moon is following us home and making sure that we’re safe. I’ve always been very drawn to the moon. Learning about bipolar as an adult, I have type 1 which means that I have full manic episodes and not just hypomania; if you’re unmedicated and you have bipolar 1 your mania and depression cycles follow the moon. You’re more likely to be super elevated around the full moon and really depressed around the full moon. Sometimes I feel like I weird people out but I feel very connected to the moon. 

Irina: I think we all are. The moon circles us, we’re made of water. You may just be more aware and honest than a lot of people. Do you have a favorite phase of the moon? 

Zeb: Waxing crescent when you can see enough of the moon but you can also see the body of the moon. I just think that’s very hot. 

Irina: Is there a color of the moon that you enjoy?

Zeb: Harvest moon like a good Neil Young fan. 

Irina: What time do you think it is on the clock of the world? 

Zeb: It’s time to be real. There’s a futility in going along the motions. There’s a fucking pandemic and literal uprisings all over the world. You might as well be who the fuck you are. At least for me, it’s time to reflect on my priorities; are my priorities really mine or am I internalizing someone else’s calendar? I feel like that’s the thing precarity teaches people. I feel like a lot of able bodied, able minded, cis, white, or white adjacent people feel very thrown off by all of this shit that’s happening. But for me and a lot of other people, things aren’t really as different as they were before. Precarity; you can either find joy in it or you can let it eat you up. I’m choosing not to let it eat me up. I’ve never had stability as an adult ever. It might seem corny, but I feel ready in a way. 

…

You wanna know a secret? The first poem from my last Instagram post; I was cleaning my room, I was looking for a scarf; I found those horns, and then I went to check the mail and I found out that my name change and gender marker got processed by the court and I found out on Monday!!!

Irina: Oh my gosh!!! Congratulations!!! How does it feel??!? 

Zeb: It feels really good. It feels really good. I’m trying to bask in the happy parts of it and not think about how hard it’s going to be to get all the documents I need. But you know what? It’s fine. I am having a good time. It’s sunny out today. 

Irina: What are your love letters to the moon about? 

Zeb: Can I just read one to you? 

Irina: Yes, please! 

Zeb: 

Dear moon,

The boundary of my body clings to you and every night ache to again glimpse your face. The weight of even your shadow thrills me. Tide changer of my blood. I step away. I step in. My allegiance is pledged to you. Accompaniment through each, through every, through now, through then. People say I am sick because they do not long for your shape, delicious just after you renew. When you leave me for a night I suffer. When you come in your wholeness I suffer deliciously. I love it. But before you were my companion, you protected me, rescuer. I can rely on you. The first of few true friends. You renewed my heart. You watched me dream.